Ever wonder why?

Sometimes you hit a spot along the road and you find yourself sounding like Paul. You're askin' Why do I do what I do when I know what I shouldn't do? Its so stupid. Its honest but stupid. Why is it that we do what we know we shouldn't do? That thought is spellbinding. The struggle can be seemingly paralyzing sometimes. Why when we know what to do and what we should do yet we do something totally against that. When you find yourself at this spot you wonder can I do what I am supposed to do? You will win a few small skirmishes and you get bumrushed and lose a battle. It frustrating. Its true. We're not stupid people. We just sometimes forget who we are in Christ and what we are against and allow ourselves to make choices that don't benefit us physically, spiritually or emotionally.

Maybe we become apathetic? Maybe we are scarred of the pain?

Maybe we are scared to look at ourselves in the mirror objectively and see the real, the dirt and the stains?

Maybe we think that we, on our own, can do it. We don't want to admit that we're not selfsufficient despite our desire to be. I know I don't want to be dependent. That says I'm weak...not strong, right. I'm capable. So I'm told to believe. But that only gets you so far.
I'm a survivor I tell myself. I will come out on top. I will not be dominated. I will not let a situation dictate my attitude and outlook. I refuse to.
I've been in some situations where my own and/or a persons life was possibly in question and there was a team of us. We were a mess. I wasn't going to be a mess. I couldn't. Maybe theres times to be that way and then theres times where its not so good when you're almost like pretending its going to change on its own when you wake up tomorrow. Maybe its a male pride thing. I don't know.

Sometimes it may not even be the case of doing something wrong but not doing as it has been asked of you. Its like when you were little and your parents told you to after you get home from school you need to have your room cleaned,vacuumed and dusted before they get home from work. Well what do you do but you get home from school and think I have plenty of time so you go play some streetball with some buddies. Before you know it is 5:30 and mom gets home at 6. So you race home and run to your room, grab a shovel and start throwing things under your bed and slopping things into your closet. Mom walks in and you think my room is clean just as she asked. Maybe not the way she had in mind but nonetheless its clean. Its kind of like in Deuteronomy 2:24-37 where God instructs clearly the plan of action. Even though the course of action is clear a path of lesser resistance is chosen(v.25-29). They say please be nice to us and we will buy food from you if you allow us to pass through. Verse 24-25 says go engage these people in battle God has given their land into your hands. God has begun to put the terror and fear of you in them. Not that its in opposition of God's will but its just not direct obedience that was instructed. God says I will deliver so now get steppin'. Their actions are in the general direction of what God's will is for them but not in complete and total obedience. How often do we do that? We say(whether in words or actions), "I know God that you told me this but that sounds too hard or crazy so I'll go this direction...still in the direction of your will just not 100% they way you told me to do it." My room will be looking clean just as you told me but not the way that you told me to do it.
We will never know what God has intended for us if we are not able to know him and follow him.

Until Dukey Drops Again....Much Love........

To Africa and Back

Wow its been FOREVER since I have posted on here. I figured it about time to drop something on here about now. So for some of you may know this but a lot has happened since I last posted. I and three others; Porfirio, Jessie and Kiesha spent 5 months in Kenya working with college students

at the University of Nairobi. As you can see by the pictures we spent some time in other places like Christ Academy, a Refugee/Orphanage school. Also we helped with some street kids ministry visited a Salvation Army handicapped high school and others. It was both challening and amazing to have the opprotunity to live there and get to continue to be apart of minstry there and also see other ministries in action throughout that area. When I think about it I consider it almost unreal and a blessing that I have been able to continue to be apart of what God is doing there.

Since coming back I have taken a job at Thomas More Prep-Marian High School in Hays, KS as the Male Resident Dorm Coordinatior. Basically I am the leagal guadian for 36 high school boys and get to work with 6 Resident Advisors who keep the boys in line day in and day out. Yes I some of you may be wondering "wasn't he an RA a few years ago?" You are correct and at this same school 2003-2005. I was not looking at TMP as being a place of possible employment upon my return but I recieved an email about 10 days before we left Kenya saying TMP was hiring and they wanted to know if I was intrested in the position. If I was they would wait on hiring someone. Six days after returning from Kenya I took the position. So far its been real crazy honestly and there have been numerous long days. I am so glad the kids have now arrived though. We have students in the boarding program from Vietnam, Thailand, Korea, Mexico, Nepal, Rwanda, China, Japan, Taiwan, Columbia and America. I am really looking forward to things settling down and bit and the opprotunity to be apart of these students lives.

Until Duke Drops Again......................Much Love..............

INSPI(RED), Hope in the Dark, Thanksgiving

This was an email I sent out to some friends that have been to Africa...included some thoughts and resources. Check it....

As I sat here in warm, balmy and wind-free S.W. Wyoming I had a chance to reflect on the many things I have to be thankful for. I wish one of them would have been that I got to share Thanksgiving with some new African friends but for some reason it didn't work out. I called them and my calls were never returned. I am a bit disappointed for one reason that they may have eaten at the only restaurant open here on thanksgiving...to the surprise of no one it was China King Buffet. =) Anyway I hope they had a place to spend their time. I know I ate enough for them...unfortunately.
So Thanksgiving was good and I again was reflecting on something that you and I were undoubtedly changed by and also share...A visit or visits to Africa. There are an endless amount of things to be thankful for but no doubt I think some of the things our African friends are likely thankful for often we take for granted. I hope you all have taken a minute to just think of the many things we are so blessed to have around us...both our parents, siblings, grandparents, our health, opportunity for education, clean water to drink, endless resources to grow spiritually, a bible, a home with plenty of space, freedom, stable national and local governments, safety, shoes, feet, legs(polio free), contacts/glasses for some, the option to chose what I want to eat, the option to chose what I want to wear, my own car, I mean I could go on and on. I came up here to Wyoming with one suitcase(not a large suitcase) that quite possibly had more clothes in it than many of our African friends. Crazy. Some blessings are material and some aren't but I think we need to not neglect any and be extremely grateful for all.
I am excited that I have had a few chances and will have a few more to share about what the coming months may bring in Kenya as I return and what God has done in the past few years not only in my life and the teams I was with but also in Africa and our friends there.
I hope that each of you are taking the chance to seek out ways Africa can still be apart of your everyday. One that I thought was cool that I wanted you to be made aware of is called INSPI(RED) http://www.joinred.com/ . It is a simple creative and great way to take advantage of our consumerism here and have it benefit Africa. The simple idea is to buy RED. Buy RED cell phones, t-shirts, watches, i-pods, etc that are all sponsored by companies giving a portion of the amount you spend to go back to Africa and help the people battling AIDS. Plain and simple YOU buy RED. THEY get MEDS to help them battle AIDS and live another day. I'd encourage you to check it out and perhaps buy RED for Christmas for those you love. Pass this on to whomever you like...I just wanted to start with those I knew who had "African blood" in them and let you do your thing and spread the word. I know you will so do your thang!

Below are some additional resources/organizations you may or may not be familiar with that you may want to check out.

African Leadership www.africanleadership.org
Blood:Water Mission www.bloodwatermission.com
DATA www.data.org
Invisible Children www.invisiblechildren.com
Oxfam International www.oxfam.org
World Vision www.worldvision.org

There are 27 additional organizations right here http://www.hopeinthedark.com/links.php


Here is a portion of a closing letter written by the authors of a book entitled, "Hope in the Dark" by Jena Lee and Jeremy Cowart that I must share with you. You'll know what I mean when you're done reading it.

..."It would be wrong for us to close our eyes and our hearts to everything that we have learned. Our experiences won't let us do that. Our passion and anger and hope don't give us permission to abandon these experiences, because the time we have spent in Africa is beautiful and tragic, rich and life-giving, horrible and yet redemptive."
..."People have the right to know that there are places in the world like Africa, where water is a luxury, where the laws of poverty riegn, and where people are fighting a battle of disease with every ounce of strength that remains. It is fair, too, that people are given an opportunity to connect to Africans as hard-working, dedicated, creative, and compassionate people. If we fail to see their humanity, our response will simply perpetuate the inequality and the misunderstanding."
..."When we expand our world view to include those whom we have never met, our lives are changed. We are compelled to give of our time, our resources, our leadership, and our voices. We invite you to join us on this journey with our friends in Africa. Its is not a plea for charity; it is an invitation to join a team of people, Africans and Americans alike, who are walking alongside one another in love. It can make all the difference in the world."

Until Dukey Drops Again........Much Love................

WAKE UP! An E-mail from a friend visiting Africa for the semester...

This is an email from a friend of mine who is in Africa right now. I read it and had to post it on here. I've got nothing really to say for this one. It very strongly speaks on its own and echos my own heart. I hope it resonates with your own in some way.

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We definitely jumped right into our semester abroad without a spare moment for hesitation! I know I sent a very brief report last week, but I'll now make the seemingly futile attempt to express what I saw, felt, and learned in Rwanda.The focus of our trip was to study the genocide, the role of the church, the role of the West, and future hope for Rwanda in their economic goals and system of justice. We traveled to three major cities: Kibungo, Butare, and Kigali. Each city held many lectures, visits to museums and memorials, and personal testimonies of hope and survival. I'd love to relay all astounding details and reveal the truth, but I'd rather give you what the Lord put on my heart through all I learned and let you find the facts in a textbook. Sadly, though, textbooks and school curriculum never seem to full explain Rwanda. In summary, the West not only abandoned Rwanda in their time of need, the West also created much of the conflict there as well as in the rest of Africa. Learning of all the things our country has and has not done tended to make me feel personally responsible and ashamed of my skin. But what blew me away even more was the forgiveness and love that all Rwandans showered upon us! In all my travels I have never felt so loved and welcomed by every person I met. One night I hit a breaking point, a rush of anger, frustration, and sorrow that I think everyone needs to feel to truly learn from experiences like this. As vulnerable as it feels to share, I hope that my raw emotions and reactions can help bring the reality of the need to you rather than a recount of numbers and facts you can find in a book.
After one of our first few days in Rwanda, I wrote this in my journal: "My heart is crumbling. I feel the weight of all the world's travesties bearing down upon my soul. Need. NEED. NEED! Not just wants or desires or hopes, but basic human needs are going unmet around the globe. Children with barrel bellies and twig legs watch with their curious, kind, joyful generous, hungry eyes as I am let to a seat of honor and fed until I feel sick. The land is in a drought. Orphans of genocide still lack necessities. I visit for one day and feel my passion and spirit crushed by the enormity of everyone's problems. How can this church, these people, the country keep going? They are ALIVE. In the wake of evil and death, they are vibrant! In the wake of materialism and luxury I am dead inside.
I've had the privilege of traveling to see the big picture of needs in Kenya, Uganda, Mozambique, andRwanda. And the news is full of images of India, Iraq, Indonesia, Mexico...needs everywhere! My drive and joy cave under the daunting task. But, what exactly is the task? What am I really seeing-physical or spiritual need?The church here in Rwanda labors away, chipping into the hardened walls of hatred, pain, and suffering that the people of this country endured. They walk. Work. Go on. In the Kenyan slums they just keep going, spending boring, tedious, exhausting lives with asmile on their faces while offering me their choice meat and crops which I struggle to eat thinking of its horrible nutrition content. Who am I to be cynical of their motivations in asking for money? Who am I to withhold my love? Love your neighbor as yourself. But love is not money. And I am dry. My crushed, empty spirit has no more love to give. I am finished. And the week has only begun.
"I am now back at school in Uganda, and still my mind floods with questions which I'm sure will only continue to baffle me more as the semester progresses. The more I learn about Africa and the rest of theworld, the more I lose my blissful naivety to the needs of the world. It reminds me of Ecclesiastes1:18. "Because in much wisdom there is much grief,and increasing knowledge results in increasing pain."I have seen firsthand that as Christians, we can not put our faith in governments and human institutions. The thing about Rwanda is not how barbaric and different from us they are, but rather how similar. We are all a depraved humanity. Where was the U.S. while that was happening? And the UN? The amount of troops it took to evacuate all the ex-patriots would have been enough to stop the genocide. But what should we expect? The US, the UN, and other organizations are full of humans. The United States of America will ultimately behave in its own best interest, and Rwanda had nothing for us but loss. Infact, the conflicts in Rwanda were actually started long ago by the Belgians in colonization. Hutu andTutsi aren't even separate tribes or ethnic groups, it was a caste system essentially created during colonization. Fingers of blame point in all directions. The same istrue for conflicts around the globe. But as Christians, we should not be asking where was the US or the UN. We need to be crying out where was the church?! And where is the church now?! We say "never again," but people are dying without Christ everywhere. We've probably all mentioned Iraq in our prayers during guided prayer concerts at church, but how often do we lift up the needs of the world? Do you know what's happening with the LRA in Uganda? Have you heard of the massacres in Darfur? Did you know that the same genocidal propaganda that lead tothe horrific deaths in Rwanda is becoming widely spread in India? And how horrible is it that at this moment I struggle to think of other places where weshould be mindful of human need because I don't know about them?! By the same token, I'm not advocating that we take the weight of the world upon our own shoulders. We can't possibly each pray for and get involved in meeting needs in every corner of the globe. That's the beauty of the body of Christ, that He'll lay certain places and people on our hearts. But I am saying that we really need to wake up. Rwanda was 95% "Christian" at the time of the genocide. The church was there during the genocide, but sleeping. Church leaders were rubbing shoulders with corrupt politicians. They didn't raise their voices and take opportunities for change. It was the individuals who truly followed and knew the Lord that heroically saved many lives in acts of love and compassion. Many of the "Christians" in Rwanda had merely converted to enjoy the benefits of education and material provisions that the western Christians brought with them. Churches that should have been places of refuge were slaughtering grounds for thousands upon thousands of women and children. As one of our speakers, a bishop in the Anglican Church of Rwanda shared, "The church as an institution failed. The church as individuals with personal conviction of sin never failed. That church prevailed." Sound familiar? How many Christians do you know in America that are sleeping? Are we trying to hard to gain power in government, business, education, whatever the field, that we fall asleep to the sin around us? The church must raise her voice, because we are the ONLY people with the TRUE answer for love and peace and reconciliation. No government, organization, or institution can do it. Only Christ. And only the people of His church can bring forth that message! So I don't know what God is calling you to. I'm not asking you to pray for anything specific or to go any certain place. This is only a cry to WAKE UP. And if you are awake, as I know many of you are, then stay awake and start waking others around you! This is nota message of condemnation or guilt, but rather a call to action. The last thing anyone in Rwanda would want to do is fill you with guilt. I wish I had more time to explain their peace and reconciliation process, called gacaca, but I can tell you that the country has HOPE and is moving on. There is a great need for trauma counselors and economical and agricultural training, but they are firm in their resolve to succeed without becoming beggars. So please, feel regret and remorse for how we have failed to meet needs, and use that constructively to help build a future wherever God is calling you. And it also seems that this update email has turned into a sermon! I wish I had a computer of my own here so that I could write a novel, but alas my computer access is limited. That will be a challenge when I have to start writing papers! Thanks for your prayers, and I hope that God will teach you as He is teaching me. I'm sure many of you are far beyond these lessons I am just experiencing for the first time, but thank you for humoring me. I greatly appreciate the unique opportunity I have to come here and learn! I want to share that with all of you! Please continue to email and let me know what the Lord is showing you as well. My classes started today, and I can tell it's going to be an incredible semester. Hope all is going well in work and school there, and keep listening to the Lord and relaying His message of hope and love to the world.

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Until Dukey Drops Again....Much Love.......

Inspirational Love of Amazing Proportions

I've seen the video of this incredible story and if you have blood in your veins I can't see how you can't cry and be moved but I don't have the movie. Instead I recieved the story the other day in an email from a friend of mine and I had to post it. If you haven't ever heard or seen the story of Dick Hoyt and his son you need to. Its amazing...and whats more amazing is its about an earthly fathers love for his child. It just makes me totally amazed and speechless to try to comprehend the love our heavenly father has for us. Nonetheless here is the story of Dick Hoyt and his son Rick....

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From Sports Illustrated, By Rick Reilly

I try to be a good father. Give my kids mulligans. Work nights to pay for their text messaging. Take them to swimsuit shoots. But compared with Dick Hoyt, I suck. Eighty-five times he's pushed his disabled son, Rick, 26.2 miles inmarathons. Eight times he's not only pushed him 26.2 miles in a wheelchair but also towed him 2.4 miles in a dinghy while swimming and pedaled him 112 miles in a seat on the handlebars--all in the same day. Dick's also pulled him cross-country skiing, taken him on his backmountain climbing and once hauled him across the U.S. on a bike. Makes taking your son bowling look a little lame, right?And what has Rick done for his father? Not much--except save his life.
This love story began in Winchester, Mass., 43 years ago, when Rick wasstrangled by the umbilical cord during birth, leaving him brain-damaged and unable to control his limbs.``He'll be a vegetable the rest of his life;'' Dick says doctors told him and his wife, Judy, when Rick was nine months old. ``Put him in an institution.''But the Hoyts weren't buying it. They noticed the way Rick's eyes followed them around the room. When Rick was 11 they took him to the engineering department at Tufts University and asked if there was anything to help the boy communicate. ``No way,'' Dick says he was told.``There's nothing going on in his brain.''"Tell him a joke,'' Dick countered. They did. Rick laughed. Turns out alot was going on in his brain.
Rigged up with a computer that allowed him to control the cursor by touching a switch with the side of his head, Rick was finally able to communicate. First words? ``Go Bruins!''
And after a high school classmate was paralyzed in an accident and the school organized acharity run for him, Rick pecked out, ``Dad, I want to do that.'' Yeah, right. How was Dick, a self-described ``porker'' who never ranmore than a mile at a time, going to push his son five miles? Still, he tried.``Then it was me who was handicapped,'' Dick says. ``I was sore for two weeks.''That day changed Rick's life. ``Dad,'' he typed, ``when we were running, it felt like I wasn't disabled anymore!''And that sentence changed Dick's life. He became obsessed with giving Rick that feeling as often as he could.
He got into such hard-bellyshape that he and Rick were ready to try the 1979 Boston Marathon.``No way,'' Dick was told by a race official. The Hoyts weren't quite a single runner, and they weren't quite a wheelchair competitor. For a few years Dick and Rick just joined the massive field and ran anyway, then they found a way to get into the race officially: In 1983 they ran another marathon so fast they made the qualifying time for Boston the following year. Then somebody said, ``Hey, Dick, why not a triathlon?''How's a guy who never learned to swim and hadn't ridden a bike since he was six going to haul his 110-pound kid through a triathlon? Still, Dick tried.
Now they've done 212 triathlons, including four grueling 15-hourIronmans in Hawaii. It must be a buzzkill to be a 25-year-old stud getting passed by an old guy towing a grown man in a dinghy, don't you think? Hey, Dick, why not see how you'd do on your own? ``No way,'' he says. Dick does it purely for ``the awesome feeling'' he gets seeing Rick with a cantaloupe smile as they run, swim and ride together.
This year, at ages 65 and 43, Dick and Rick finished their 24th Boston Marathon, in 5,083rd place out of more than 20,000 starters. Their best time? Two hours, 40 minutes in 1992--only 35 minutes off the world record, which, in case you don't keep track of these things, happens to be held by a guy who was not pushing another man in a wheelchair at the time.``No question about it,'' Rick types. ``My dad is the Father of the Century.''
And Dick got something else out of all this too. Two years ago he had a mild heart attack during a race. Doctors found that one of his arteries was 95% clogged. ``If you hadn't been in such great shape,'' one doctortold him, ``you probably would've died 15 years ago.'' So, in a way, Dick and Rick saved each other's life.
Rick, who has his own apartment (he gets home care) and works in Boston, and Dick, retired from the military and living in Holland, Mass., always find ways to be together. They give speeches around the country and compete in some back breaking race every weekend, including this Father'sDay. That night, Rick will buy his dad dinner, but the thing he really wants to give him is a gift he can never buy.``The thing I'd most like,'' Rick types, ``is that my dad sit in the chair and I push him once.''

Until Dukey Drops Again.....Much Love........

Stumbled on to a old but great song...

There is a group named Caedmon's Call that I have many of their Cd's and have enjoyed their smooth folk-acoustic music rich with percussion and true honest lyrics. One song in particular has struck a cord with me tonight as I was headed to bed and heard it. Its from their "40Acres" cd released in 1999. I love the words and the truth they bear. So I found this old song and great CD I might add and wanted to share it with my two readers. =P haha It can mean for you whatever it may but I just was reminded of two verses...
Jer. 29:11-13 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.
Prov. 3:5-6 Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Well with that here are the lyrics to this song "Table for Two"...


"Table for Two" by Caedmon's Call (40 Acres)

Danny and I spent another late night over pancakes
We talked about soccer and how every man's just the same
We made speculation on who's and the when's of our futures
And how everyone's lonely but still we just couldn't complain

And how we just hate being alone
Could I have missed my only chance
And now I'm just wasting my time
Looking around

But you know I know better, I'm not gonna worry 'bout nothing
'Cause if the birds and the flowers survive then I'll make it OK
And given an chance and a rock see which one breaks a window
And see which one keeps me up all night and into the day

Because I'm so scared of being alone
That I forget what house I live in
And that it's not my job to wait by the phone for her to call

This day's been crazy but everything's happened on schedule
From the rain and the cold to the drink that spilled on my shirt
'Cause You knew how You'd save me before I fell dead in the garden
And You knew this day long before You made me outta dirt

And You know the plans that You have for me
And You can't plan the ends and not plan the means
And so I suppose I just need some peace to get me to sleep



Until Dukey Drops Again.....Much Love....

Hope in the Dark and my thoughts

I've been on this fresh self-reflective perspectives kick as you can tell from a few of my recent posts specifically relating to what we have been blessed and what we don't realize we have and how we should be different. Anyway since I posted some of my previous posts I recieved this book "Hope in the Dark" about Africa and was amazed how refreshing and accurately it has penned some of my thoughts. It says much of what I've been thinking in different words so well. So I picked some clips from the book that may astound and shock you but they are true. As you read them think how life would be different and how it changes the lenses you look through.

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"We know that American pity Africans," he told me. "But sometimes I think Africans pity American."
"How so?" I asked him.
"American seem to expect that everything will be provided for them. For us," he said, "this ear of corn is a gift from God. This evening's rain is a shower of mercy upon us. This healthy breath is life-giving. And, maybe tomorrow we will not have such things, our hearts are so full from God's provision."

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****Decisions I must make on any given day:
-Blue shirt or pink cardigan?
-Tall soy chai latte or Grande caramel macchiato?
-Write reports first or work on budget?
-Text message or call?
-Eat out or frozen dinner?
-Reality television or Headline News?
****Decisions SHE must make on any given day:
-Blue dress or blue dress?
-River water or puddle water?
-Walk once for four hours to get water or walk twice for eight hours to get more water?
-Sleep with the fisherman who will give food in return or let orphaned grandchildren go to bed hungry?
-Persist through the struggle or give up?
-Curse God or praise Him?

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"When she gave birth to an HIV-positive child, she named the baby "No Hope", for there was none. The mother's life was an isolated of stigma, abondonment, and fear. But her community began to shower love instead of judgement, support instead of neglect...and everything changed. Glimpses of grace enterd into the darkness of the pain, and hope made itself present. She has changed the name of her child to "Jesus is my hope."

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There's something incredible about African skies. It's as if God said, " I have so much beauty to give My world. And I'm going to shower it on this place because I can."

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"If you want to know the pulse and strength of Africa, spend a day with the women of a village. In the midst of deep suffering, domestic abuse, societal and poverty constraints, the women are the stability of Africa. The will carry the buckets upon thier heads, touch the wounds of the sick, accept the burdens of helping the village survive-and all the while, the will be singing praises to God."

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In this world, God has given us the gift of choice. Injustice threatens to take it away. They can drink the filthy, bacteria-ridden pond water or drink nothing. Clearly, that is no choice at all.

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There is a quote(below) in this book Hope in the Dark that I believe that anyone who goes to Africa can identify with and find totally true. Its something that you can only experience and when you see it you know it and its both amazes and inspires. -Luke


People ask me, "Doesn't it paralyze you to walk so closely and intimately with suffering?"
"No", I tell them.
"If I learned anything form my time in Africa, its that though the suffering is overwhelming, so to is the hope."

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Well let all that soak in a bit and see what you realize. See what you learn. I hope that this at the very least prompts you to look at your own life and see if you can say the same as some of these amazing people do who don't know where todays meal for themselves and their family will come from, battle with AIDS or don't even have remotely clean water. To be happy, content and free is a choice. Its a perspective of hope, love and grace that you chose to rest in.
Until Dukey Drops Again......Much Love............