Today(yesterday) was one of those days that you look back and ask “What did I do? Hours gone by and what?” My boss called this morning and said we’re not working today and maybe not tomorrow. I went to bed last night planning on working today. I mean when I’m working there’s little time for anything else so that’s all I do…W-O-R-K. No work and possibly a day or two before we do so. So I slept a little extra(been enjoying a nagging sinus infection/cold), got my laptop and drove 15min to use the internet for 45min, ate some lunch, and wondered what else I should be doing or needs done. Obviously I need to clean my place a bit, do some dishes, put up some clothes, vacuum, could read some, I’ve got time I could pray, journal, etc. Nothing grabs me so I go for a walk just to get some night fresh air hoping to avoid the mosquitoes but trust that’s not too likely. I risk it anyways. I’ve got cabin fever. I walk out on the dirt road trying to see where my feet are going with no other light than the glare of the well lit rigs off in the distance. I look to the sky and see half a trillion stars lighting up the sky. I see the dissection of the Milky Way galaxy splashed across the sky. A few shooting stars race through the sky burning up as they enter our atmosphere. I find a place to stop and just look up at the night sky. “What am I doing?”, I ask as to also imply the question where am I headed? “Are You there God? What did I miss today? Was my day, my existence here on earth today, simply wasted?” I peer into the night sky wondering. I think of how fast the earth rotates yet as I lay here on this concrete construction road block it looks completely motionless but I know otherwise. The cool crisp light breeze and occasional mosquito, aside from the hum of the rigs in the distance and the inevitable work being done there, seem to be all that’s moving. It’s peaceful and perplexing. So much stillness yet I know that the world is happening at an astounding rate and God is still moving with or without me. The question I ask then is did I join Him in some way? Did I walk with Him, pray for His people, miss opportunities to be love, light, grace, mercy, truth, peace, to someone? How does He care for me? Why does He despite our neglect?
God is all powerful, all knowing, gracious, just, righteous, Yahweh, the Creator…I wonder if we in our finite minds just believe that we are the only ones God created? I mean there are galaxies upon galaxies that go beyond where we can see. Would it be beyond God or like God to have us think we are the only ones and yet there are others? Other solar systems that work like ours and people who think they are the only ones that exist and have yet to discover anyone else or would He just out of sheer greatness continue to push and expand the vastness of His creation and watch man try to put it in to an algebraic equation for life? He continues to say I can’t be measured. I have no end but keep seeking it and all you’ll continue to find is Me. Keep seeking you’ll find Me. The day wasted? I’m still here. Keep seeking and you’ll find Me. Wonder what to do? Keep seeking Me. Come join Me. I’m still here. Obedience is what I want not sacrifice. If sacrifice is required then ok but I want obedience no matter what.
James 4:8 “Come near to God and He will come near to you.”
Until Dukey Drops Again….Much Love….
1 comment:
First I want to tell you to keep asking the tuff questions, keep searching and keep writing. I'm afraid some of us who are reading don't know how to respond or are not yet ready to deal with the challenging quesitons.
You are in the crowded company of those who have ended the day and asked the very question you posed, "What did I do today?" and "Did it matter?" Significance in our life often escapes us because it's so hard to measure. I mowed the yard today and now I have a freshly cut lawn to look upon. No more random sprouts of grass and dandilions popping up spreding their infectious seeds. Mission accomplished! I did something today.
Worshiping God, prayer, seeking God's face and other spiritual disciplines often are more difficult to define and certainly significantly more challenging to qualify results. I worship God (not necessarily through attendance in church but that can be a way) and sometimes I "feel better," sometimes I don't. I guess I'm counting on God's faithfullness and promise to me that what just happened was good. Cast out a prayer line and spend time hanging with God, talking less and listening more. Prayer is called a spiritual discipline because for some of us it certainly takes discipline. So I pray and trust that God hears and does his part. Faith, makes for good conversation and sermons but if we are honest with ourselves it feels as like we sink and try to swim our way to the shore more often than we walk on the water.
So, the yard is mowed. Looks good for a moment but I know over night the dandilion will once again give birth to a new yellow blossom and before next weekend the grass will appear as though no one lives here. Doesn't require much faith. Does require persistence and dilligence. And so I pray, I worship God, I smile and say hi to someone who looks down and away, but not as often as I should cause I've found myself in the fifth season of the year called grumpy. Now I trust that my worship and my life is counting for God in some small way. World changer? Probably not. Life changer? I can only hope someone can capture a glimps of that hope that keeps me walking down this path. A path that has enough light for the next step.
You are the seed of a man who shares you questions and your journey. So keep walking, keep looking up and keep believing. Not that "someday" you'll make a difference, but that today somehow and someway you already did.
You are loved! You are My Son!
Dad
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